News
Nation Proud Of Self For Watching, Enjoying Original Movie
1+ hour, 30+ min ago (288+ words) WASHINGTON'Patting themselves on the back for seeing a film that was neither a sequel nor a prequel, the U. S. populace announced Wednesday that they were proud of themselves for watching and enjoying an original movie. "Learning the names of characters I'd…...
Study: Reading For Fun Down Among Schoolchildren
1+ day, 5+ hour ago (103+ words) New Education Department data found a double-digit decline in the number of school-aged children who read for fun almost every day, with the share of 13-year-olds who regularly read for pleasure down almost half since 2012. What do you think? "Nothing…...
Study: More Americans Foregoing College In Favor Of Letting The Carnival Sort Them Out
1+ day, 5+ hour ago (252+ words) COLUMBIA, MO'Surveying a wide cross section of Americans aged 18 to 24, a new study published Tuesday by researchers at the University of Missouri found that more Americans were foregoing college in favor of letting the carnival sort them out. "In a…...
Your Mother
5+ day, 1+ hour ago (134+ words) 67, is fine, but this is just a reminder that she could go at any moment. Give her a call. The post Your Mother appeared first on The Onion. Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe…...
Poll: Fewer Americans Say Democracy Central To U. S. Identity
5+ day, 18+ hour ago (104+ words) A recent poll found that only 66% of Americans claim that a democratically elected government is important to the United States" national identity, with those aged 18-29 reporting the lowest belief in U. S. democracy"s centrality at only 51%. What do you think? "Let…...
Nancy Mace Introduces Bill To Separate Gubernatorial Races By Gender
6+ day, 1+ hour ago (120+ words) The post Nancy Mace Introduces Bill To Separate Gubernatorial Races By Gender appeared first on The Onion. Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report…...
Politician With No Better Ideas Decides To Campaign On Improving The Economy
6+ day, 1+ hour ago (108+ words) The Onion Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of…...
Amazon Employees Detail Inhumane Working Conditions On Bezos" Human Chessboard
1+ week, 1+ hour ago (104+ words) The Onion Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of Nation"s Sweat Now Produced From…...
Schtick-Starter
1+ week, 1+ day ago (99+ words) The post Schtick-Starter appeared first on The Onion. Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of Nation's Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy…...
Water-Inefficient Landscaping
1+ week, 2+ day ago (138+ words) Featuring lush, non-native tropical plants, a pool, a fish pond, and a private putting green, this home spits in Mother Nature's face and dares her to do something about it. Reference #815233 The post Water-Inefficient Landscaping appeared first on The Onion....